Posts tagged God

Quite recently I’ve gone through a lot. A lot of pain, a lot of anger, bitterness, loneliness. Damn, poor troubled soul, right? Actually, quite the contrary. It was a season of life and I’m sure many more of these are likely to come. True, I was probably the most troubled and confused I had ever been but in no way was I a poor troubled soul. I was in no way deprived of anything. There was no lack of heartache or pain, no lack of emotion. Every emotion was there and it hit me full on. But though this was true, there was also no lack of support, no lack of drive to push through all the pain. And finally I rode it out.

Before all this, I would always say that thinking wasn’t my thing. That I just wasn’t good at it. Now it’s really all that I ever do, and I’m quite grateful. Without all that’s happened to me, I would not be the new, enlightened self that I am today. Which brings me to the subject of my most recent realization, fulfillment. (Mind you, this is something that I established based on my own experiences, opinions, and personal preferences.)

We’ve all grown up with the notion that fulfillment can come from a person, that a person who is able to make us feel complete or whole is our soul mate. I’m here to advocate against that idea. A person is just that: a person, human, imperfect. If someone looks to another for fulfillment, they will only find disappointment. Not immediately, perhaps, but eventually. I personally believe that there is one thing in my life that will not disappoint, and this is not a person. It’s God. Trust in Him and He will provide. Let Him lead your life and you will be happy. Be patient and open and you will recognize and realize His work in your life. Listen to Him and He will guide you. Everything will fall into its place.

But what if God isn’t really your thing though? Well here’s another way of putting it. Don’t focus on trying to find someone to fulfill you. Don’t focus on trying to find someone who makes you whole, your soul mate. True fulfillment comes from within you. If everything is alright with you, if you are more than content with everything that you are and that you have, even if it isn’t much, then you are fulfilled. You are whole and you don’t need anyone to make you whole. No one can bring you fulfillment and no one can make you whole but yourself.

So what’s this mean? There’s no such thing as a soul mate? And what about marriage? The answer to that second question is that, this doesn’t mean that there’s no such thing as a soul mate. I’m still a firm believer that everyone has a soul mate; they just don’t always find theirs. To answer the first question, I’ll give you the definition of what I believe a soul mate is. A soul mate is not found by desperately and frantically searching for him/her. A soul mate also does not make you whole.Soul mates aren’t supposed to be there to fill some kind of void in you or be a source of fulfillment. I believe that they only come to those who are already whole, complete and fulfilled. Rather than being a filler for something that is missing in your life, soul mates add on to you. They don’t complete you, they make you better, build you up. And that’s what I think marriage is or, at least, should be. Not two lonely people who are looking to fill that loneliness, but two people who build and better themselves upon each other, and building on each other can only work if both are already whole. Wherever they find that wholeness and sense of fulfillment is entirely up to them, but a couple seeking fulfillment from each other will only be disappointed. So stop wasting your time dreaming about when you’ll find someone to end your loneliness and start living for you. This is the best path to find happiness and eventually true love.

That’s it for my rant. I wouldn’t have had what happened to me happen any other way. I’m someone different, someone stronger, more open, happier. Hi, New Asia. So nice to finally meet you.

Tonight I received a call from someone very dear to me. Yes, this person calls to check up on me once in a while, but tonight was special. I’ve realized so much in just this span of 10 mins. Until recently, until life really started for the both of us - well at least for him - we’ve always been together, since the second grade. A little over decade of knowing each other and six years of being best friends. He was always there for me whether it was to console me or guide me. I can honestly say I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for him. Then there’s another factor of who I am. God. I have always believed in Him, that everything in this world and life was given to us by Him, but then something happened in my life that made me doubt Him. Something that made my life seem to come to a sudden stop while others just went on living, and I began to question God. How do I trust Him, how can I? Why are some peoples’ lives so great when they deny and reject Him, while others who acknowledge Him and give themselves to Him have such crappy lives or always seem to be stuck in some crappy situation. This thing, this problem, trial, obstacle or whatever you want to call it also made me feel alienated. So much so that I couldn’t even talk to the only person I felt I had left. He wouldn’t understand. He’s not a Christian. I kept my thoughts to myself… And for so long I kept myself, my emotions locked away. I kept myself from the world, hating it, resenting it, scorning it. I was a bitter wreck. I tried to fool myself by pretending that I knew what I needed to do and that I was doing it, but really I still hated everything, especially myself. I resented God and people who didn’t understand what I was going through, but finally, just a week ago, I decided on change, like a sudden epiphany. One day I decided Asia, you’re going to be happy again. And just that simple phrase, that simple thought written on my mirror for me to see every morning made me change, a wave of calmness and contentment washed over my previous state of resentment and rage. And not a week later my best friend calls me and tells me that God has truly blessed him with the people he has in his life, and I was one of them. Imagine that! A person, who always said he was unsure about God, telling me that He has blessed his life with our friendship. This is when I really realized how truly blessed I was and that our friendship IS God’s doing. How many people have a friendship like we do and share a bond that we do? It’s truly amazing, God’s plan. I have found one more thing to pray about tonight. Thank you Mister V.M.N. for always being there for me and thank you God for allowing me the privilege of not only knowing this person but also having him as a best friend. I’m not perfect and neither is my life, but I can truly say I have many things to be thankful for.